39 Weeks 3 Days...

And not a damn thing happening! I am so ready to have this baby. Poor Oliver doesn't seem to want to come out. He is happily hanging out in my over stretched uterus. I am not even to, or past, my due date and I am already beyond anxious! I don't know how much longer my sanity is going to hold out. I feel like I am weeks overdue. I honestly feel like I might be pregnant forever.

Don't get me wrong...I love being pregnant. I am going to miss have Oliver all to myself knowing that he is safe and sound. But on the other hand, I am ready to have an outside baby! I want to know what he looks like. Is he going to have his dads blue eyes? Brown hair? Is he going to be cursed with short legs like both me and my hubby have? I just want to meet him. I just want to hold him. I just want to cuddle him. I want my body back. I want my hormones to go back to normal and to be myself again. This week I have just been a total cry baby. I cry when I think about being pregnant forever (I really am convinced he is never going to come out!). I cry when I think about him being an outside baby.

I have also been having some seriously dark thoughts about my mortality this week. I guess that comes with the territory of bringing a new life into the world? I told my DH that if I die during childbirth I want him to be the best Dad he can be and that I really want him to find Oliver a good Mom someday. I don't want him to have a bithcy step mom. I think about what would happen if we both died...who is going to raise my son? I guess that we need to write a will. Stuff that I probably should have taken care of a long time ago.

Other news...more that makes me cry. My sister, who has been struggling with infertility for a long time now got another BFN today. They did their 4Th IUI this cycle. I know how disappointed she is and it kills me. I hate that she has to deal with infertility. It just isn't fair. They are going to take a break from treatments for a few months. I just hope that it happens for them soon. Sooner than later.

So the countdown for my last day of work is getting pretty short!!! Only 2.5 more days!!! I can't even believe it. Maybe less if Ollie finally decides to grace us with his presence in the outside world.